COUNSELOR
Harry and Sally explored this concept in depth in the 80s. Since then, many people have taken opposing sides of the argument. I, for one, am certain that men and women can't be friends. Now...I know there are a lot of people who disagree with me---which is why I will take the time to formulate the specifics that Harry and Sally's conversation never explored. The question really isn't can ANY woman and ANY man be friends--that answer is yes. The REAL question is can a man or woman be platonic friends with a person of the opposite sex with whom they are attracted? The answer to that question is HELL TO THE NAW (a technical term that only ethnic people or really cool Caucasians understand).Okay, the basis to this theory lies on the following premise: Whether you are a male or female, It is impossible to be a truly platonic friend to someone with whom you are attracted (note: being attracted to someone is different than considering a person to be attractive). There is something that either person will do at one time or another to cross the line of what a truly platonic friend would say or do.
Now, as far as I'm concerned....none of this makes a difference unless you add this concept around couples who are dating seriously, people who are married, or those who are engaged (i.e. if you're single and the person you're trying to call a friend is single--it becomes a moot point--as you both are only fooling each other).
However, if a person is in a relationship and they have someone they consider to be a platonic friend and any one of the following examples exist....I hate to tell you, but you might be proving me right...
If you have a friend that you're attracted to and you consider them a truly platonic friend because they are in a relationship too---I win. Why? Because you're using the fact they they have someone else in their life as a shield to either stop your feelings from developing and becoming inappropriate or to stop their feelings from developing and becoming inappropriate.
If you have a friend that you're attracted to and you think they're a truly platonic friend because you both "tried it and it didn't work"--I win. Why? Because truly platonic friends never get the urge to "try it".
If you have a friend that you're attracted to and you consider them a truly platonic friend just because you both have "never even talked about liking each other" and you feel it's okay because you've never made your feelings known--I win. Why? Because its NEVER unknown. In time, one of you will say something or do something that shows that you think of the person in more than a platonic way...or others will begin to question--what seems so very obvious to the general public.
p.s. the only exception to this rule is if one person isn't attracted to the other. Any questions?
KIYOTOE
I think the question is intent. Men and women can be friends with each other regardless of if there's an attraction as long as they both have the same intentions. Rarely in LIFE will you find a situation where two acquaintances or "friends" have never or will never have some level of attraction to each other. A number of things could happen, the attraction could be fleeting or eventually evolve into something else, like a long lasting "real" friendship.
"if you're single and the person you're trying to call a friend is single--it becomes a moot point--as you both are only fooling each other"... human nature is never going to change at least no time soon and it is human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex. The ability to be friends doesn't have anything to do with your "feelings" but rather how you respond to those feelings.
Man (meaning mankind) is naturally selfish and instinctively wired for self preservation but most of us law abiding, morally conscious folks don't walk around allowing our "instincts" to dictate our actions. In other words, if the question is, "can a man and woman be friends without either one being attracted to each other?" then my answer would definitely be no. But do I believe that those same people can ignore or repress that attraction for the sake of a healthy, happy, functional friendship? Absolutely.
"if you're single and the person you're trying to call a friend is single--it becomes a moot point--as you both are only fooling each other"... human nature is never going to change at least no time soon and it is human nature to be attracted to the opposite sex. The ability to be friends doesn't have anything to do with your "feelings" but rather how you respond to those feelings.
Man (meaning mankind) is naturally selfish and instinctively wired for self preservation but most of us law abiding, morally conscious folks don't walk around allowing our "instincts" to dictate our actions. In other words, if the question is, "can a man and woman be friends without either one being attracted to each other?" then my answer would definitely be no. But do I believe that those same people can ignore or repress that attraction for the sake of a healthy, happy, functional friendship? Absolutely.
1 comment:
I gotta fly with the counselor here. Probably 90% of my friends are women. Fortunately (given the circumstances), they all live in other states so we can maintain a semblance of platonicity (my rules, I get to make up whatever words I want) in our friendships. But there's no denying that attraction exists between me and my lady friends (all of whom are, like me, married or going steady). It might be very difficult, given geographic proximity, for us to behave ourselves completely. But since that's not a factor, we've formed some very close, deep friendships which I hope will last a long time.
Can men and women be friends? Yes, but the sex part is always there like a hungry beast (with two backs! Oh SNAP!) in the background. The best we can manage is to minimize it, to keep it in a cage.
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